Four hours. Four, long, drawn out hours to do something that should have taken a mere hour and a half to do. Christ i’ve got this procrastination thing down to a tee.

Unfortunately, the rate i’m going, it looks as though i’m going to procrastinate myself into post-uni unemployment.

And yet I continue to write…

The last couple of days have been somewhat topsy-turvey. Extreme lows followed by elation at a remedy to said lows, realisation and acceptance. It’s been a little bit of a roller coaster. To be honest, I can’t really say too much without giving away lots of details about mine and other people’s personal lives. But it has been character building, and I very much doubt the next couple of months will hold anything but the same.

What I can say is that i’ve realised that i’ve lost touch with some really important people to me. Whatever the reason, i’ve come to realise over that last couple of days that it is really imperative for me to maintain my relationship with these people otherwise, ultimately, I will end up alone.

I’ve also realised that i’ve got some very good friends in places I didn’t think or didn’t want to have friends. Why i’ve not noticed this before I do not know, but i’m greatful that I have at this point before they’ve had the chance to slip away much like many of my previous friends have.

I hate to sound like and angsty bastard, and I know i’m doing incredible well at sounding as such, but I guess if you were really that fed up of my angst, then you wouln’t have bothered reading past the first post, so thanks for sticking around.

Its kinda weird, having to accept something has to end when a) you don’t want it to and b) it’s appears to be through no fault of your own that it is ending. You ask yourself many questions. Why? What could I have done? If I had known before, I could have changed this. As one friends said to me on friday night, everything happens for a reason, and in a comforting way, its kind of true. It may not be for the reason you think, or even want it to happen, but whichever way you look at it, there is a reason for everything. When you’ve realised this, then acceptance becomes so much easier. There is no reason to doubt, or even worry, because when you’ve accepted that something will or has to happen, you can focus on the time leading up to that, and make the most of it. 

You need to not dwell on the things that have happened, but think of the good times and learn from you mistakes. Learning occurs in many different ways and places, and much of how we learn takes place without any concious effort. You need to look back and as opposed to trying to find an answers and fix things that may be deeply ingrained, you need to learn from that experience, both the good and the bad aspects, and employ them in the future.

Something Dave need to do when thinking about another Red Dwarf special.

I know, that was a bit of a change of tone, but tonight I finally watched Red Dwarf die. Some may argue that it died already, but I merely believed that it was on a decline. Bad, but not un-recoverable. Tonight I was proved wrong. Tonight that show, one of my favourites, finally dropped below the x axis. The heart rate monitor finally stopped. Lister has left the building.

Carbug? What the fuck?

If you’re not familiar with the program, or at least had the fortune to miss the episodes this weekend, then I am going to give a brief outline of the final scene of the second of three episodes. Bear in mind the series is generally set 3 million years into the future. You can then begin to grasp the gravity of the situation.

The crew driving up present day Coronation Street  in a smart car made up to look like starbug.

Christ. There were a couple of redeeming features though. Big Suze now playing another hologram (and quite well I might add, you can barely tell its her with the russian accent) and the ‘is it ethical to kill a hologram?’ scene (which is by far the funniest part of the whole 3 parter). But other than that, I feel disappointed.

Anyway, after all that, I think I shall have to leave your good selves for bed. Or at least, another session on Choke by Chuck Palahniuk. I’ve been reading that book for an age now. I never seem to be able to do more than about 4 pages before i get sidetracked / fall asleep because i’m reading way too late at night.

Anyway. I have a stack of revision to do tomorrow. Laters!

1) Feeling severely underwhelmed with Twitter

2) A friendly nudge by Katy

I guess this is something i’ve thought about doing before, but could never really be bothered. Now, in an effort to find every available form of procrastination to get away from that darn revision, i can be bothered. I often find that it’s the busiest periods of time that I always end up finding the time to do all the menial things that I could never find time to do when I did have time. If that makes any sense. Anyway..

I guess I don’t know where to start. I could say that approximately an hour and a half ago, I did find whom I believe to be the one. Should things end up going awry with Celeste, then I have decided I am to marry Cassadee Pope of Hey Monday fame.  But that’s probably not the correct place to start, and so I guess i should really start from the beginning. Of today, that is.

I woke up this morning a little groggy. 6 beers with Damo and a late night drunken revision session had seen me to to bed at about 2am, and here I was 5 hours later, wide awake, worried that i had again upset Celeste. I must state that the reason for this was something which, if sober, i would not have even batted an eyelid at, yet the somewhat intoxicated version of myself decided to get the hump with what i was told. So the first thing I did was send an apologetic text.

The next two hours of my life were spend semi-conscious trying to wish away a headache…..well, to be honest, thats pretty much the story of today. Nothing really interesting happened. I popped round to my aunts with my mum to drink coffee and stare into space while they talked about nothing I really cared about. Then from 12 until 6 I literally sat in the same spot, moving only on occasion to empty my bladder while I did revision. At about 7, I think I cracked. The perpetual wall of shit-metal eminating from my younger sister’s room had broken me (Five Finger Death Bitch, or something along those lines, and equally as bad) and hence I went and drove what is effectively the 10km weedon run route, listening to some eels to calm down a little. 

Upon my return, I manage first contact with Celeste since this morning. I’m getting seriously worried about that girl’s hands, as for someone who told me on monday that I could text her during the day, and that she was able to reply, there has been an incredible lack of texting.

Well, it’s nigh on 10pm now. I’ve not really talked about much, and have just recieved another three word text from Celeste, effectively saying she’s going out now. I must admit, sitting here by myself all day, with nothing but my books and a wall of noise for company, I did begin to fabricate some fantastic stories, and hence worry myself for reasons which, to be perfectly honest, are complete bullshit. I’m incredibly good at doing this. I shamefully admit that I can, and have, bought myself to tears over some of the non-sensical tales that i’ve made up on a walk home from uni. Maybe thats the real reason i started this blog. If I put my thoughts in writing, then ultimately, I can see how much bollocks I do make up. I guess this is a bit of an outlet for that, and you poor people are, if you managed to last this long, putting up with it.

So I guess I should finish this with one of my most uttered words. And this is to the people i’ve snapped at, or have just sat an whinged to after one of my thinking sessions (I’ve told you about that! – Super Hans was right). So everyone, especially you Celeste, i’m sorry.